"It's life that matters, nothing but life—the process of discovering, the everlasting and perpetual process, not the discovery itself, at all." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot

Life is a game.

It's your responsibility to play the best game possible.

Imagine this.

There are endless opportunities in this game and endless paths you can take. It's your responsibility to discover them.

With each opportunity and new path, you may level up.

The exciting part?

The upper limit to that is unknown. As Ophelia says in Hamlet "We know what we are, but know not what we may be".

My life changed the day I realised this.

In many ways, I was lucky that I come from humble beginnings. It led to a strange paradox where having less meant I became obsessed with experiencing more. From a young age, I wondered what opportunities were out there and I wanted to find them.

There's some truth in the idea that starting with little can mean starting with more possibility.

I was also lucky that my mum never expected me to be anything. I say this positively. She gave me the freedom to pursue what I wanted to pursue. There was no expectation that I would do this thing or become that thing.

These influences meant I didn't attach myself to one perspective. I explored and embraced many. As a result, I developed an open mind. A desire to learn and experience new things. A desire to try and do it all.

As Dan Koe says:

Become everything.

Become a designer, writer, marketer, socializer, runner, bodybuilder, philosopher, scientist, psychologist, and polymath who knows how to sustain your obsessive curiosity.

What else are we going to do with this life?

Adventure as antidote to hopelessness

Living life this way demands we reframe how we view the world and our place within it.

Firstly, we must confront this idea. We're all in.

The stoics had the phrase 'Memento Mori' ("remember you will die") to reflect on their mortality. It reminds us that, at any moment, we could die. To read this as depressing is to miss the point. Rather, it's meant to motivate us to live a purposeful life. One which we, personally, derive meaning from.

Part of being all in means accepting and experiencing the totality of existence. Part of that is becoming aware of polarity.

Life and death. Light and dark. Love and hate. Good and evil.

Polarities like this exist at all times. Our ability to understand one, strengthens our ability to understand the other. We may even experience them at the exact same time. Think about times when you have been fearful and excited. Or, love has been followed by loss.

Being all in means accepting and experiencing everything life throws at you, the good and the bad.

This is why the paradigm of happiness is misunderstood and unrealistic.

Most of us want to "be happy" but fail to understand that happiness is an ideal and ideals are almost impossible to meet. As Oscar Wilde says "ideals are dangerous things. Realities are better. They wound, but they're better."

Life is rarely pure happiness, it's something much more. Something better.

How to have the adventure of your life

Like I said, from a young age, I've always been obsessed with experiencing more. Looking back at the path i've taken, what i've achieved and when i've failed, there's certain behaviours I practiced that advanced me towards adventure. There's also behaviours I practiced that led me away from adventure. On reflection, there's also a lot of things I could have done better. But here's some practical steps that I learnt from different people and sources:

1. Go forth into the unknown

"Now the LORD had said unto Abraham, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee" - Genesis 12:1

God's first command to Abraham is to leave the country. In other words, to go where he hasn't been before, the unknown. Walking into the unknown often means walking into a new experience, one we don't have the right skills and traits for. The exciting part is we don't have those skills or traits yet. There's potential to develop them through exposure.

The second command urges Abraham to detach from his father and family. The context of this is important. God is calling Abraham to find a new nation. The answers to that can't be found within the bounds of his fathers house. They can be found in new metaphorical and physical lands.

Going forth into the unknown, today, might look like:

• Living in a new city
• Moving out of our families house
• Starting a family
• Meeting new people

These endeavours allow us to gain new insights (big or small) by stepping outside the bounds of our current identity and slowly catalysing a new one.

2. Strengthen the individual

I realised that I should never underestimate the power of strengthening myself in any given situation. That is, reflecting on how my weaknesses made a situation worse and how I should address them for the future.

In Courage is Calling, Ryan Holiday argues the right thing to do in any situation is almost always the hardest choice or the choice you fear. I've always struggled with this, especially when it comes to things I truly fear, like public speaking. I found I never regretted pushing myself to do these things. Afterwards, I didn't feel less fearful, just braver and more willing to take the step forward next time.

The good thing about this is it starts with what we, as individuals, can control. It turns our focus from how external factors influence us, to how we respond to external factors.

It positions us as responsible players in our own game.

3. Set clear goals

The destination we are heading can feel distant, almost intangible.

I found a way to remediate this is think about what I want and set goals in order to achieve it. Positive emotion is generated in conception of a better future and evidence of moving towards it. The goal actually becomes secondary to the process of pursuing it. But it's only possible to start pursuit with a direction. That direction can change at multiple stages of the process, if needed.

Here's an example.

When I first started going to the gym, my goal was to get strong. I had no plan and my awareness level was low.

The problem:

I would do a bunch of random exercises.

I would go irregularly (sometimes 2 days a week, sometimes 5 days a week, sometimes not at all)

I had no idea about optimal nutrition.

I had no idea about recovery.

I saw few results.

This period of aimlessness and chaos was necessary, as it made me want to learn and make a change.

So, I did a bunch of online research to learn the fundamentals of strength training and nutrition. I started to make a plan, I started to change my diet, I started to track my progress.

None of this was perfect. I spent a long time reflecting throughout on what was advancing me and errors that were hindering me. I cut out anything that didn't align with my goal.

This was a continual process of refining my plan and increasing awareness. Eating better. Learning about recovery.

I started seeing results. They were slow, granted. But, I saw results nonetheless.

I learnt this:

You can find what you want through self-experimentation. Stumbling towards a goal is better than staying where you are.

4. Pursue responsibility and meaning will come

It’s in responsibility that most people find the meaning that sustains them through life. - Jordan B. Peterson

We need to function in a way that we personally find meaningful. Nobody can tell you where meaning should be found. It's your destiny and yours alone to discover that.

In Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl argues that man's primary motivation is the search for meaning in his life. Frankl refers to this as a practice called Logotherapy (Logos is the greek word for meaning). According to Frankl, meaning can be found through the adoption of responsibility. Particularly when it comes to our response to the questions life throws at us.

Meaning for one person might be found through the responsibility of a fruitful career. For another, it might be be found through the responsibility of raising children. Or maybe a combination of the two.

Why choose adventure?

Well firstly, what is the alternative? A life of despair and apathy? A mediocre existence?

Committing to having the adventure of our lives, acknowledging that opportunities and potential setbacks are everywhere, is exciting. It allows us to:

• Taste optimal human experience
• Pursue what we find meaningful
• Be resilient
• Confront that we aren't ok the way we are
• See opportunity in every situation

It's not always easy, but it's worth it.

Have a good week,

Niamh